I don't really know how to feel about this...

We told the kids this past Saturday.  They had been out with family for lunch and a movie, Geek and I got into a huge fight.  Then he left.  Packed a bag, took our car, and didn't tell anyone where he was going.  So I have no way to get around.  I can walk to the store or the doctor, but it will take awhile and I can't do a big shopping trip.  Oh, and he changed the password to the bank account.  No, my name isn't on it, he works for the bank so in order to get a free account it had to be in his name only.  No need to tell me how dumb it was to close my account (hey, it was costing $20/month that could be better used somewhere else), I know.

So, he dropped off some groceries this morning and I found out he is staying with his girlfriend.  They haven't known each other for more than a month.  Oh, and he wants to take the kids next weekend, overnight, and stay there.  Over my dead body.

I filled out a form for assistance this morning, I have an appointment tomorrow already.  I'm no longer embarrassed to have to ask for help.  It's not my fault I've spent the past 6 years "working" as a mother and wife and now he wants to play house with someone else.  She is 7 years older than him!  I could never date a guy that much younger than me.  It's not even like he is one of those "older than my age" guys.  If anything, he's a 15 year old trapped in a 32 year old body.

I know him wanting the kids next weekend is going to cause yet another big fight, and this woman may be a wonderful person (although from what I gather from someone who knows her, I'm not sure this is anything more than a fling with Geek) but it will be less than two weeks since we told the kids about the divorce.  He should not be having sleepovers with them at her place.  I'm worried Geek with tell me I'm doing this to "hurt" him, but I really think I'm protecting my kids emotions.

They rarely ask about him unless it's to ask where he is and when he's going to come back.  They understand they are moving with just me, but it's weird to them for him to not be here since he told them they will still be able to visit him here.  I had to talk them into talking to him on the phone last night.  They only wanted him to come back...same thing this morning when he stopped by.  I try not to cry or get emotional in front of them, but they can tell when I'm sad and they have both asked me if it was "because of Daddy"

He can screw anything he wants...he just needs to keep it away from the Minions for a bit yet.

Please tell me I'm not over thinking this!

I'm FINALLY putting myself first...and I'm not feeling bad about it!

I'm finally in a good place.  Yes, I'm still pissed about the pending divorce.  Yes, I'm still pissed that I can only meet jerks (I took down my online dating profiles!)  But I finally don't want to rip Geeks balls off and feed them to him so I'd consider it a huge improvement.

My diabetes doctor and my family doctor have both suggested I consider weight loss surgery.  They mentioned this over a year ago.  Looking back, I should have just done it, but we were dealing with so much with Bubba and Diva, I just couldn't take time for myself.

But last week I realized something.  My blood sugar has been out of control for the past few month...weird how it had been under great control until all the stress with Geek started, huh?  My PCOS makes it hard to lose weight.  I exercise, I eat well (probably better than most people), I take my meds...but the weight just hangs on.  I need to be around for my Minions for as long as possible and it seems that this is the only way to get this weight off...and therefore get my life back.  My diabetes will probably go away (or at least be to the point where I won't need insulin and meds twice each day) and therefore I will live a longer, healthier life.

I'm not gonna lie, being thinner is a big bonus, being able to go into any store and find something to fit, is a big bonus.  Not getting disapproving looks when I eat out (no matter what I eat!) is a big bonus.  Showing my kids that it's great to be there for others as long as you don't forget about yourself in the process, is the best bonus.

I'm actually feeling content with my life.

*I wrote this on 6/19/14, it's the last in the "Here's what's been going on in my life the last few months" updates.  I'm getting ready to take the Minions down the shore for two weeks and I couldn't be more excited.  Just me and them for two weeks.  Swimming, playing in the sand, staying up late to watch movies...making good memories with them.  I may post some pictures, I may not.  But there will be another update soon, because I just found out Geek lied to me tonight and I'm hot.  Stay tuned.*

You need not apply :0(

How has Geek managed to have so many dates?  How does he have woman messaging him on these dating sites and showing interest in him?  Wait, I know!  Women go crazy over guys who put them selves out there as an "amazing single dad"  Men (or maybe I should still refer to them as guys since they all seem to think they are 10+ years younger then they actually are!) don't want an overweight single mom, especially when the kids have special needs.  Actually, I lie.  I met one who did, and he was a total skeevy creep.

Yeah, I decided to give dating another go...big mistake.  I have yet to meet anyone in person.  In fact, I've only managed to get a handful of responses and it never gets to the "let's meet" stage.

I want Geek to be lonely.  I want these women to break his heart.  I can't stand seeing him happy.

I've been considering getting rid of my online profiles again.  It's just too depressing.  But where am I going to meet anyone?  I don't go out (don't have the time or money to waste on it).  And even if I did, I wouldn't get hit on.  Guys don't want me.  Simple as that.  They don't care about anything but how I look.  I get it, I'm not pretty and even worse, I'm fat.  I know this, it's not a surprise.

But, Geek is fat (he weighs about 10 lbs more than I do) and not handsome in the traditional sense (but he does have facial hair and blue eyes...two things I love in a guy)...how is he doing it???

Oh, and I can't find a freaking job.  If I didn't have to support myself and two kids I'd have no problem with minimum wage/part time work...but even with government benefits (I HATE that I even had to apply for them! Two years, my goal is to be off them in two years or less...hopefully less) I have no idea how I will manage.  Yes, he will be paying child support but it's not much and I'll need to set that aside for uniforms, school fees, any sports or activities they want to do, etc.

Grow the F up!

Must be nice to get to act like a 15 year old.  Must be nice to think that other people are responsible for YOUR happiness.  Must be nice to know that someone else will always be there for the children you helped create.

Geek has said the reason he wants to divorce is because he "isn't happy"  Really?  Somehow this is my fault?  I think it's more likely you are pissed I'm insisting you act like the 32 year old man you claim to be.  Stop with the constant playing of some stupid text based online computer game that you have been playing since 8th grade!  Know what I did for fun in 8th grade that I still do?  NOTHING!!!  Ok, I read, but I'm not still reading the same books from then.

Grow the F up!

We should have moved far away from his family.  I thought he was different, he isn't.  Since Geek is an only child, his mother and her gay, childless, unmarried/unattached aunt spent their lives catering to his every need and want.  They did everything to keep him happy...now he refuses to grow up.

Why didn't I see this earlier?  I'm not sure.  I mean, I have had to talk to him before about the amount of time he spends with his computer (and since we've gotten smartphones, the amount of time he spends playing games on that!) and maybe I should have seen it, but I loved him (and I think I still do) so I over looked it, made excuses, and basically just decided this was going to be my life from now on.

Think the Minions and I moving out, and him only seeing them a few times each month, will make his realize how much of an ass he's being?  Yeah, probably not.

You are not a single dad!!!

Geek has NO right to call himself a "single dad"  I'm still doing 90% of the parenting.  The only time he parents is if I need him to watch the kids because I won't be home (the only time I get out of the house anymore is if I have a doctors appoint.)

Once the Minions and I move out (I CANNOT WAIT FOR THAT DAY!) he will see them every other weekend...4 days each month.  He has asked for one week of vacation with them each summer...let's see if that actually happens after the first year.  He STILL can't tell you what meds the kids take each day.  He has no idea how to do anything with Diva'a hair other than bruch it.  She has long hair, it needs to be braided each night and have something done with it each morning or it looks like a hot mess.

He has started yelling way too much at Bubba.  Bubba doesn't respond well to yelling but Geek seems to forget this.

I'm the only who makes the appointments, I'm the one who keeps up with the kids meds, I'm the only who deals with calls from the school, I'm the one who attends the IEP/504 meetings (when he attends he has pretty much no idea what's going on anyway).  I'm the one who is up with them at night when they are sick/have a bad dream/can't sleep/just want to be with someone then gets them breakfast and off to school before I start my daily cleaning/cooking/looking for a job that pays money/dealing with EVERYTHING.

Look, I know it's important that Geek works, he makes the money.  But when you can't even mow the lawn so the kids can play in the yard then call yourself a "single parent" it makes my blood boil.  I'm sorry, you are a "weekend dad"...actually, you are an "every other weekend dad"

I should have known...

I should have stuck to my original plan and not dated ever again.  I should have known that all the good ones are either dead, married, or gay.  I should have realized that Cowboy was only saying what I wanted to hear to get me into his bed.  I should have stuck to my guns and ignored the sexual tension between us.  I should have known that guys don't want a fat chick with two kids, especially when those kids are special needs.

I didn't know he existed until about a week and a half ago, we only met in person a week ago.  He knew I hadn't been getting the attention I wanted from Geek for years, so he gave it to me and I let a smooth talker finish breaking my heart.

I sent him a text telling him that things are different when you date a single mom.  I have to make plans at least a week before so I can arrainge things like child care.  I told him that  if he couldn't or didn't want to put more time and energy into our relationship then he needed to tell me.  His response:  "Who is this?"

I know I gave him an ultimatum, but he didn't have to be such an ass about it.

So I'm not going to look for someone.  I'm getting off the two dating sites I'm on.  I'm going to tell people, if they ask, that I'm working on me and I really don't have time to date since the kids are only with Geek 4 days each month.  But really, my heart has been so broken that what little I have left I'm giving to my kids.  I refuse to allow another man into my life, I refuse to be hurt again.

I decided to give internet dating another go...

I met Geek on an internet dating site.  Can you believe I almost didn't go on our first date!  On one hand, I wouldn't be dealing with him being suck an ass now by acting like he's 15 again.  On the other hand, I wouldn't have my Minions.  I love them more than anything so I think the joy of having them in my life really outweighs the fact that I married an asshole.

I met someone, let's call him Cowboy.  He seems like a good guy.  We text a lot, we've gotten together a few times.  I told him I wasn't ready to hop in bed with anyone yet and really didn't know when I would be...and he was ok with that!  He found out that I melt when guys call me "darling"..so that's what he calls me now.

He makes me want to be a woman!  Weird, I know.  I not only bought makeup but I bought a skirt!  And I wear both!  He doesn't treat me like Bubba and Diva's Mommy, he treats me like Jen the Woman.  I love it.  I've fallen hard for him, and it scares me.

The Gray Area

I feel like I'm living my life in The Gray Area.

Geek and I are separating...but not really.

Bubba has Autism...but the support groups and other things (apps, books, etc) are for kids with the classic form, which he doesn't have.

Diva has cerebral palsy...but again, any support I can find is for kids with the severe form, her is mild ataxia.

Let's start with Geek and I.  If we didn't have the kids, this would be really easy..."bye!"...but not only do we have the kids (and for their sake we need to stay friendly...not that anything is ugly between us we just realize we aren't working as married parents) but we need to wait until the end of the school year to even tell them on the suggestion of their psychologist.  The last thing we want to do is cause any issues with them finishing out the school year.

Now, the support groups.  I want support from other parents, I want their advice, their tips, their friendship.  Our families really don't understand, some of them try to but until you live it day in and day out you really just don't get it.  For instance, Geeks aunt and mother don't understand why we "insist" on disciplining the kids immediately...I'm not sorry, you cannot take Bubba/Diva with you to do something fun and postpone his/her punishment!  The there is the snide, "Does she really need to sit in her wheelchair?"  Um, yes, if we don't pace her she will tire out and meltdown.  I'm sorry you are embarrassed by the wheelchair and her braces, but tough shit.  Yeah, I'm not sorry about getting rid of my in-laws at all.

I wrote this back in early May.  Over the next few days, I'll be posting  a lot.  I wrote to help me through my emotions, but I didn't want to post anything until I was in a better emotional place.  

BIG changes!!

So Geek and I are divorcing.  We are parting as friends, we both realize the marriage hasn't been working for some time.  As a child of divorce, I wasn't going to be the one to voice this.  We've been keeping it all from the kids.  They will be told once the school year is over. 

It's been hard, but I'm working through it.  There are days I want him to hurt as much as he;s hurt me and there are others that make me realize I'm happy this is happening.  Him working nights helps, the fact that he snores (so tends to sleep on the sofa) helps...the kids are used to this.

This happened over a month ago.  At Geeks suggestion, I signed up for an online dating site.  I didn't bother contacting anyone, just put my pictures and profile up and waited to see what happened.  About 2 weeks ago, Cowboy contacted me.  He knows the entire situation, is totally ok with it and best of all...he makes me happy.

Geek and I freely talk about the other people in our lives (out of earshot of the kids, of course)  He has told me that I'm happier than he has seen me in years and Cowboy seems to be a much better fit for me. 

We keep our other relationships away from the kids and the house.  We take phone calls in private if they call to talk.  Geek says I keep over thinking things with Cowboy.  I'm wondering if I should have been alone longer (or even forever)...I wonder if Cowboy is really the good guy he has shown to me (I go back and forth on this one)...Geek says I should just enjoy myself.

So that's the changes in my personal life.

It's been awhile, I know!

Geek has been out of work for about a month with a lung infection then a kidney stone...he just can't catch a break!  He finally went back to work last night.  Things are getting back to normal.

Just over a week ago, we were getting ready to go to the local aquarium.  I let Diva shower by herself for the first time.  Big mistake.  She slipped on the 3 inches of floor between the tub and the towel on the floor and smack her head on the side of the tub.  I was in there within seconds.  But then she started vomiting.  So we dropped Bubba at his grandparents and rushed Diva to the ER.

Thankfully, everything looks fine.  She was out of school all last week due to the headaches, she is not allowed to do gym class (or ride her bike, skates, scooter, anything that she could hit her head again) this week and has an appointment at the Concussion Clinic at our local children's hospital later this week.

Bubba is back on stimulants for his ADHD.  We aren't seeing any of the side effects that caused us to take him off them before (thank goodness!) and they are working so well for him.  However, we now have new things starting with him.  He is really getting physical by the time his meds wear off in the afternoon.  This evening alone he kicked Diva, pushed her, and hit her.

*sigh*

I'm working on some new items for my Etsy shop and wrestling is winding down.

Yeah, it's been busy!!

I'm trying to get back to my goal of twice per week posting but I'm also looking to get back into the workforce.  It's time.  I'm comfortable with how well the kids have been doing that I feel I can re-enter the working world.

So yeah, just another rambling "here's what we have been up to" post :0)

Yup, Another Crochet Post :0)

And another one by Moogly!

The Boys Cabled Golf Cap:

I didn't have to make any changed to the pattern...even though Bubba has a huge head :0)

And of course I made it in his favorite color, green.  He loves it, calls it his thinking cap.

Dirty face and in the middle of talking to me, but he is just so cute!

Crocheted Girls Sweater

I have found a designer that I LOVE!  You need to check out Mooglyblog.com, she is A-MAZE-ING!

I decided to take on the Eloise Girls Sweater, for Diva.  It took a very long time, mostly because I had to learn 2 new stitches (she has video instructions and written instructions!!!) and make a few adjustments for Diva's shape.

Changes I made:

-I added a few extra color rows

-I only did the linked double crochet on the rows that changed to the other color.  It really helped with the weight of the "skirt"

-I added a few extra rows (I think 2) before I started the row that starts the sleeves.

-I also centered the opening.

Diva LOVES it, wears it to school almost every day.  I found some ladybug buttons that I'm going to add at the waist and I stitched the "flaps" down since she didn't like how they rubbed her neck.

Inside of the "skirt"

Here is the sleeve opening...the way she does the yoke/sleeve opening is super easy!

Diva showing off her sweater

Close up of the sleeve

Seriously, go check her out!

What A Week!

Holy Cannoli has it been a busy (few) week(s)!!!

Wrestling is winding down, just one more thing...but it's a BIG thing:  district qualifier!  I don't know if Bubba will be wrestling next year.  Between his asthma and his Autism he has been a mess the past few weeks.  They changed where they practice and the new place is so full of dust, which he is allergic to, that he ends up with an asthma attack half way through practice.  And he is having a hard time understanding that he needs to practice to get better.  Honestly, he hasn't improved much since his first year...this is his third year.  I feel bad, but sometimes you just have to be honest and realize that his life won't be 100% normal.

Geek has been down this week with a lung infection and I've had what I think is the flu this week...wanna guess who is feeling better and who is milking it for all it's worth?  LOL  It's a wonder the world can function :0) 

And the snow...UGH!  I'm so ready for spring.  We had yet another snow storm yesterday, about 8 inches fell in my area. 

Enough complaining about the snow and being sick.  I need to keep positive.  Geek is getting better, I'm 95% over my flu, Bubba is over whatever kicked up his asthma, and Diva (knock on wood!) hasn't caught anything!

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

Please stop...

Diva wears AFO's (lower leg braces) to help with her cerebral palsy.  She LOVES them.  Geek and I say she views them as just another accessory.  She is not bothered in the slightest by them, she got them with her favorite colors (pink and purple) and one of her favorite things is on them (ladybugs.)  We know they are helping her.

Anyway, she has a little tummy and doesn't like anything tight so jeans are out of the question.  She usually wears "yoga" like pants (leggings?)  and they usually aren't baggy enough to go over her AFO's, so they are usually seen.  For school, since they wear uniforms, she has skirts or jumpers she wears (again, no khaki pants...until I get a chance to make her some with elastic in the waist) so it's leggings or stocking or knee highs...her AFO's show.

Many people in the family have thought she was wearing cute ladybug knee socks when they have seen them peeking out from under a longer skirt or pants. 

Basically, her friends, classmates, the family, anyone she is around a lot are totally used to them...as they should be.

Kids are curious, they see something they haven't seen before and they wonder what it is.  There have been a few who were brave enough to ask either me or Diva about the braces.  We say that they help her walk, the child usually tells her they are cute or just an "ok" and it's on the the next thing.

But...

Then there are the adults.  They stare and that makes me uncomfortable.  Diva doesn't notice, or if she does she just doesn't care.  Have I mentioned that this child has an extremely high self-esteem and knows that she is smart, beautiful, and loved?

And with Bubba, it's worse! There is no way to tell by looking at him that he has autism, ADHD, or Tourett's.  He tics, he stims, he has melt downs, he has impulse control problems.  Again, kids don't really care but the adults...they can be so rude.

He doesn't need more discipline, honestly, he is probably upset because we had to make an unexpected stop and he didn't have enough time to mentally prepare himself.  We don't need to yell or raise our voices with him, it will make him shut down totally; talking quietly to him is most effective.  Yes, he is dancing in the frozen food section, but he isn't hurting anyone and he isn't in any ones way so stop throwing me dirty looks, he's just stimming.

Here is what I would want you to do, I can't speak for everyone, but maybe it will give you some in site:

-Don't stare!  It makes me uncomfortable.  If you want to know what Diva's braces are for, ASK!  I'll be glad to answer most of your questions.  And really, your kids aren't bothering us by asking questions, they are just being kids.

-If Diva is in her wheelchair, respect it.  Offer to let me push her chair up front so she can see what's going on.  Don't expect me to push her into the grass so you can take up the entire sidewalk.  Don't give me dirty looks when I say "excuse me" so I can get through.  

-Don't click your tongue, roll your eyes, loudly sigh, make snide remarks, etc about our parenting.  There is such a thing as in invisible disease...like the 3 Bubba has!  Heck, you wouldn't know about Diva's if she wasn't wearing her AFO's.

-If either kid is having a meltdown, either offer to help ("Can I give you a hand?" is the best thing to say) or go away.

-Remember, Geek and I are under a lot of stress and trying to make our kids lives as "normal" as possible.  If I look like death warmed over, don't tell me how tired I look...trust me, I know!  Just smile and say "hello" and don't get upset if I don't want to stay and chat, especially if I don't have the kids with me.  It may be the only "me time" I get that week :0)

I must be weak

Bubba and Diva are really becoming a handful.  Geek hasn't been much help and in fact seems to retreat into his computer games every chance he gets.  So I handle it, I handle it all and feel like shit when I ask him to help out...especially when he spends the time yelling at the kids.  I wonder if being a single mom would be better for all involved.

I don't think I ask much: take the trash out, do the laundry (I fold and the kids put away), clean the bathroom, mow the lawn, and supervise the kids cleaning at times.  Geek will help out more when I'm sick or hurt (I have a slipped disk in my back so throwing it out happens every now and then) but I still do 95% of the child care and cooking.  I cannot imagine how much of a mess things would be if I had an actual job!

Geek can be worse then the kids about leaving things around the house.  He has this bad habit of taking his clothing off and just leaving it where he got changed at.  Drives me nuts!  He is a grown man and I pick up after him more then I do the kids!  And I swear he does things in the worst way possible (like folding laundry or loading the dishwasher) just so I don't ask him to do it again.

The kids needs are wearing me out.  I feel more worn down everyday.  I'm on 24/7.  Even on the few days each month I can sleep in, it doesn't happen.  Someone needs their hair done or can't find something they were looking for (even though they would find it if they moved something!)...see what I mean?  Kids get sick?  Mommy!  Bubba needs nebulizer treatments every 4 hours?  Mommy!  What's Daddy doing?  Probably playing his dumb ass computer game.

I've spoken to him about it many times over our relationship, things change for a few months but then they are right back to where they were before.  I barely have the energy to give to my kids everyday, I defiantly don't have the energy to deal with Geeks computer game addiction.

I must be weak to stay with a big man-child.  I must be weak because my kids medical problems are crushing me...heck, my own medical problems are crushing me!

I just want a few days, totally alone, no husband/kids/cats to take care of.  I don't want to worry about anyone but me and recharge my batteries.  But that will never happen, so I just keep figuring out how to keep functioning.

Tomorrow is my birthday...

I'm really hoping no one wishes me a happy birthday or really recognizes it in any way.  It has nothing to do with turning 33, I'm proud to have made it another year!  I just don't want to celebrate it.

I hate being the center of attention, always have.  I'd rather just blend into the background...unless you want to talk about my awesome crochet and sewing work or my amazing kids :0)

Then there is the whole present giving aspect of it.  Geek and I decided (after Bubba was born) that we won't exchange gifts for anything...heck, we don't even celebrate our anniversary...because we both feel its just a waste of money.  As the kids have gotten older, we do take them shopping for something small from them for us for Christmas.  Last year they got their dad a small stuffed Stitch and baked him cookies; they got me a soup mug (which I use a lot.)  This year they got their dad slippers and pj pants and I got suger-free chocolates.

I keep telling everyone that I'm okay with this, but really I'm not.  I'm sick of putting myself last, but then I feel guilty and go to the end of the line again.  For example, I got $30 in a card for my birthday the other day.  Should I go buy myself something?  I should, but it's going to new uniform pants for Bubba, new knee socks for Diva, and the rest will get put on their lunch accounts.  If I spend it on myself I will feel bad every time I use/see whatever I would buy.

I got a gift card from my in-laws for Christmas to a clothing store I shop at twice a year, once in the fall for a new pair of jeans (but only if I need them) and once in the spring for a new pair of shorts (but only if I need them)...I still have $8 on it that I physically cannot spend.  There is really nothing I want.  The only reason I spent the rest was Geek made me.  I had a super hard time spending it...cause my jeans fit fine.

I would have much rather had a gift card for somewhere like Walmart...because we need new dishes and silverware.  I got a soft pretzel maker for Christmas...and I'm taking it back hoping to get new dishes with it.  It's not going to make it any easier to make them and I make them in the oven if we want them so I don't need something sitting around collecting dust.

Wow, I got a little off topic...I've been stuck in my house for 6 days, I'm a little loopy!

Diabetes Sucks

I was on insulin and a super-mega strict diet with both my pregnancies.  A few years after Diva was born, I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes.  It really wasn't that much of a surprise to me.  I have PCOS with insulin resistance and it runs very heavily in both my mothers and fathers side of my family.  My mother was adopted so we don't know exactly who developed it after she was given her medical information and she died of cancer in her mid-40s so we don't know if she would have developed it.

My father, his father, his sister, and his grandfather all have/had it.  Did I mention that when I was diagnosed the asshat doctor (not my normal doctor) told me I need to stop with all the cake and cookies.  Yeah, he actually said that.  My own doctor told me that I was basically destined to develop it and me being overweight has very little to do with it.  I agree with this, since the 4 people in my family who have developed it as thin, active people.

Yeah, it's not just a fat-person disease.  And I'm not using this next sentence as an excuse, because I've battled with my weight since I was 8...but the PCOS makes it VERY heard to lose weight.  Hell, when I was in the hospital for DKA before Thanksgiving, the Diabetes Educator asked me if I had PCOS because of where I carry my weight.

Anyway, I take two shots each day and test my sugar at least 4 times each day.  I can't have alcohol, pizza, rice, sushi (due to the rice), pasta, bread, non-sugar free chocolate, baked goods, candy, pretzels, chips, fries...basically all the good things.  Hell, sometimes the stuff I'm "allowed" to eat shoots my sugar up and I don't know why.

Breakfast?  Peanut butter on a graham cracker.

Lunch?  Salad (lettuce, a little cheese, chicken, dressing) and maybe more peanut butter on a graham cracker as a treat.

Afternoon snack?  Yup, more peanut butter and graham cracker.

Dinner?  Chicken/pork/beef, salad, veggie

Night-time snack?  You guessed it, peanut butter on a graham cracker

I drink milk, water, diet iced tea, hot tea with Splenda, and diet soda.  Sometimes, I treat myself with some sugar-free pudding or sugar-free jello.

I sometimes break down and have things I shouldn't...and feel really bad about it after.  

The holidays suck, going out to eat sucks, even just going to someone elses house to visit sucks.  Let's take these one at a time.

Holidays:
Tons of food I can't eat.  Meals at weird times.  Seriously, I need to eat at certain times so I can take my insulin...and I can't indulge because "it's the holidays!"  To me, it's just Tuesday.

Going out to Eat:
It's great that your menu has the calories listed on it, but it doesn't help me.  How many carbs?  How much protein?  How much fat?  This is what I need to know.  So if this stuff isn't listed, I'm left to play "guess the carb count" and I usually lose.  And don't give me that look if I ask for my burger without the bun.

Visiting:
Pretty much the same as holidays.

So there you have it, the reasons why I tend to be miserable.

Wow...just wow

I really have no words for the way some people on my side of the family treated me very early on Christmas Eve.  My kids don't sleep well, even at 7 and 6, so therefore I don't sleep well (Geek works 3rd shift if I forgot to mention that before.)  Remember, Bubba has high-functioning autism, mild Tourettes (which is getting worse), and ADHD; and Diva has mild cerebral palsy and is now being treated for anxiety.

Anyway, at around 3am on the morning of Christmas Eve, after my second night of less than 2 hours of sleep, I took to Facebook to complain about my kids not sleeping and how tired I was.  My father informed me that it was all part of being a parent and I should "quit bitching", my brother-in-law said the same thing, then one of my sisters posted a passive-agressive status stating I should just be happy for what I have.  My husband informed them that they have no clue what it's like to raise one special needs child, let alone two, who don't sleep well,

Here's the thing...I very rarely complain on Facebook.  And when I do it's mostly light-hearted, like complaining that my perscription insurance needs an easier to navigate web site.

Geek was pissed, to say the least.  He called my step-mother, told her what was going on and let her know that we wouldn't be making it to the family Christmas Eve party because he didn't know if he could keep from punch my father and brother-in-law.  Yup, that's how pissed he was (and still is.) 

I should mention that my step-mother took our side, blasted her husband (my dad), son-in-law, and daughter.

I actually un-friended my father, sisters, and brothers-in-law.  I feel GREAT!  They were some of the most negative and pessimistic people.

I'd love to know why it's ok to complain about their jobs, their pregnancies, their pets, other drivers, service at restruants/stores, how tired they are, etc but I get blasted.

Best part?  I don't have to see (read?) the dumbass political stuff they post.  I'm all for everyone being entitled to their own opinions and political views...when they are actually informed about it and don't get their news from internet memes :0)