I don't really know how to feel about this...

We told the kids this past Saturday.  They had been out with family for lunch and a movie, Geek and I got into a huge fight.  Then he left.  Packed a bag, took our car, and didn't tell anyone where he was going.  So I have no way to get around.  I can walk to the store or the doctor, but it will take awhile and I can't do a big shopping trip.  Oh, and he changed the password to the bank account.  No, my name isn't on it, he works for the bank so in order to get a free account it had to be in his name only.  No need to tell me how dumb it was to close my account (hey, it was costing $20/month that could be better used somewhere else), I know.

So, he dropped off some groceries this morning and I found out he is staying with his girlfriend.  They haven't known each other for more than a month.  Oh, and he wants to take the kids next weekend, overnight, and stay there.  Over my dead body.

I filled out a form for assistance this morning, I have an appointment tomorrow already.  I'm no longer embarrassed to have to ask for help.  It's not my fault I've spent the past 6 years "working" as a mother and wife and now he wants to play house with someone else.  She is 7 years older than him!  I could never date a guy that much younger than me.  It's not even like he is one of those "older than my age" guys.  If anything, he's a 15 year old trapped in a 32 year old body.

I know him wanting the kids next weekend is going to cause yet another big fight, and this woman may be a wonderful person (although from what I gather from someone who knows her, I'm not sure this is anything more than a fling with Geek) but it will be less than two weeks since we told the kids about the divorce.  He should not be having sleepovers with them at her place.  I'm worried Geek with tell me I'm doing this to "hurt" him, but I really think I'm protecting my kids emotions.

They rarely ask about him unless it's to ask where he is and when he's going to come back.  They understand they are moving with just me, but it's weird to them for him to not be here since he told them they will still be able to visit him here.  I had to talk them into talking to him on the phone last night.  They only wanted him to come back...same thing this morning when he stopped by.  I try not to cry or get emotional in front of them, but they can tell when I'm sad and they have both asked me if it was "because of Daddy"

He can screw anything he wants...he just needs to keep it away from the Minions for a bit yet.

Please tell me I'm not over thinking this!

I'm FINALLY putting myself first...and I'm not feeling bad about it!

I'm finally in a good place.  Yes, I'm still pissed about the pending divorce.  Yes, I'm still pissed that I can only meet jerks (I took down my online dating profiles!)  But I finally don't want to rip Geeks balls off and feed them to him so I'd consider it a huge improvement.

My diabetes doctor and my family doctor have both suggested I consider weight loss surgery.  They mentioned this over a year ago.  Looking back, I should have just done it, but we were dealing with so much with Bubba and Diva, I just couldn't take time for myself.

But last week I realized something.  My blood sugar has been out of control for the past few month...weird how it had been under great control until all the stress with Geek started, huh?  My PCOS makes it hard to lose weight.  I exercise, I eat well (probably better than most people), I take my meds...but the weight just hangs on.  I need to be around for my Minions for as long as possible and it seems that this is the only way to get this weight off...and therefore get my life back.  My diabetes will probably go away (or at least be to the point where I won't need insulin and meds twice each day) and therefore I will live a longer, healthier life.

I'm not gonna lie, being thinner is a big bonus, being able to go into any store and find something to fit, is a big bonus.  Not getting disapproving looks when I eat out (no matter what I eat!) is a big bonus.  Showing my kids that it's great to be there for others as long as you don't forget about yourself in the process, is the best bonus.

I'm actually feeling content with my life.

*I wrote this on 6/19/14, it's the last in the "Here's what's been going on in my life the last few months" updates.  I'm getting ready to take the Minions down the shore for two weeks and I couldn't be more excited.  Just me and them for two weeks.  Swimming, playing in the sand, staying up late to watch movies...making good memories with them.  I may post some pictures, I may not.  But there will be another update soon, because I just found out Geek lied to me tonight and I'm hot.  Stay tuned.*

Grow the F up!

Must be nice to get to act like a 15 year old.  Must be nice to think that other people are responsible for YOUR happiness.  Must be nice to know that someone else will always be there for the children you helped create.

Geek has said the reason he wants to divorce is because he "isn't happy"  Really?  Somehow this is my fault?  I think it's more likely you are pissed I'm insisting you act like the 32 year old man you claim to be.  Stop with the constant playing of some stupid text based online computer game that you have been playing since 8th grade!  Know what I did for fun in 8th grade that I still do?  NOTHING!!!  Ok, I read, but I'm not still reading the same books from then.

Grow the F up!

We should have moved far away from his family.  I thought he was different, he isn't.  Since Geek is an only child, his mother and her gay, childless, unmarried/unattached aunt spent their lives catering to his every need and want.  They did everything to keep him happy...now he refuses to grow up.

Why didn't I see this earlier?  I'm not sure.  I mean, I have had to talk to him before about the amount of time he spends with his computer (and since we've gotten smartphones, the amount of time he spends playing games on that!) and maybe I should have seen it, but I loved him (and I think I still do) so I over looked it, made excuses, and basically just decided this was going to be my life from now on.

Think the Minions and I moving out, and him only seeing them a few times each month, will make his realize how much of an ass he's being?  Yeah, probably not.

You are not a single dad!!!

Geek has NO right to call himself a "single dad"  I'm still doing 90% of the parenting.  The only time he parents is if I need him to watch the kids because I won't be home (the only time I get out of the house anymore is if I have a doctors appoint.)

Once the Minions and I move out (I CANNOT WAIT FOR THAT DAY!) he will see them every other weekend...4 days each month.  He has asked for one week of vacation with them each summer...let's see if that actually happens after the first year.  He STILL can't tell you what meds the kids take each day.  He has no idea how to do anything with Diva'a hair other than bruch it.  She has long hair, it needs to be braided each night and have something done with it each morning or it looks like a hot mess.

He has started yelling way too much at Bubba.  Bubba doesn't respond well to yelling but Geek seems to forget this.

I'm the only who makes the appointments, I'm the one who keeps up with the kids meds, I'm the only who deals with calls from the school, I'm the one who attends the IEP/504 meetings (when he attends he has pretty much no idea what's going on anyway).  I'm the one who is up with them at night when they are sick/have a bad dream/can't sleep/just want to be with someone then gets them breakfast and off to school before I start my daily cleaning/cooking/looking for a job that pays money/dealing with EVERYTHING.

Look, I know it's important that Geek works, he makes the money.  But when you can't even mow the lawn so the kids can play in the yard then call yourself a "single parent" it makes my blood boil.  I'm sorry, you are a "weekend dad"...actually, you are an "every other weekend dad"

I should have known...

I should have stuck to my original plan and not dated ever again.  I should have known that all the good ones are either dead, married, or gay.  I should have realized that Cowboy was only saying what I wanted to hear to get me into his bed.  I should have stuck to my guns and ignored the sexual tension between us.  I should have known that guys don't want a fat chick with two kids, especially when those kids are special needs.

I didn't know he existed until about a week and a half ago, we only met in person a week ago.  He knew I hadn't been getting the attention I wanted from Geek for years, so he gave it to me and I let a smooth talker finish breaking my heart.

I sent him a text telling him that things are different when you date a single mom.  I have to make plans at least a week before so I can arrainge things like child care.  I told him that  if he couldn't or didn't want to put more time and energy into our relationship then he needed to tell me.  His response:  "Who is this?"

I know I gave him an ultimatum, but he didn't have to be such an ass about it.

So I'm not going to look for someone.  I'm getting off the two dating sites I'm on.  I'm going to tell people, if they ask, that I'm working on me and I really don't have time to date since the kids are only with Geek 4 days each month.  But really, my heart has been so broken that what little I have left I'm giving to my kids.  I refuse to allow another man into my life, I refuse to be hurt again.

I decided to give internet dating another go...

I met Geek on an internet dating site.  Can you believe I almost didn't go on our first date!  On one hand, I wouldn't be dealing with him being suck an ass now by acting like he's 15 again.  On the other hand, I wouldn't have my Minions.  I love them more than anything so I think the joy of having them in my life really outweighs the fact that I married an asshole.

I met someone, let's call him Cowboy.  He seems like a good guy.  We text a lot, we've gotten together a few times.  I told him I wasn't ready to hop in bed with anyone yet and really didn't know when I would be...and he was ok with that!  He found out that I melt when guys call me "darling"..so that's what he calls me now.

He makes me want to be a woman!  Weird, I know.  I not only bought makeup but I bought a skirt!  And I wear both!  He doesn't treat me like Bubba and Diva's Mommy, he treats me like Jen the Woman.  I love it.  I've fallen hard for him, and it scares me.

The Gray Area

I feel like I'm living my life in The Gray Area.

Geek and I are separating...but not really.

Bubba has Autism...but the support groups and other things (apps, books, etc) are for kids with the classic form, which he doesn't have.

Diva has cerebral palsy...but again, any support I can find is for kids with the severe form, her is mild ataxia.

Let's start with Geek and I.  If we didn't have the kids, this would be really easy..."bye!"...but not only do we have the kids (and for their sake we need to stay friendly...not that anything is ugly between us we just realize we aren't working as married parents) but we need to wait until the end of the school year to even tell them on the suggestion of their psychologist.  The last thing we want to do is cause any issues with them finishing out the school year.

Now, the support groups.  I want support from other parents, I want their advice, their tips, their friendship.  Our families really don't understand, some of them try to but until you live it day in and day out you really just don't get it.  For instance, Geeks aunt and mother don't understand why we "insist" on disciplining the kids immediately...I'm not sorry, you cannot take Bubba/Diva with you to do something fun and postpone his/her punishment!  The there is the snide, "Does she really need to sit in her wheelchair?"  Um, yes, if we don't pace her she will tire out and meltdown.  I'm sorry you are embarrassed by the wheelchair and her braces, but tough shit.  Yeah, I'm not sorry about getting rid of my in-laws at all.

I wrote this back in early May.  Over the next few days, I'll be posting  a lot.  I wrote to help me through my emotions, but I didn't want to post anything until I was in a better emotional place.  

BIG changes!!

So Geek and I are divorcing.  We are parting as friends, we both realize the marriage hasn't been working for some time.  As a child of divorce, I wasn't going to be the one to voice this.  We've been keeping it all from the kids.  They will be told once the school year is over. 

It's been hard, but I'm working through it.  There are days I want him to hurt as much as he;s hurt me and there are others that make me realize I'm happy this is happening.  Him working nights helps, the fact that he snores (so tends to sleep on the sofa) helps...the kids are used to this.

This happened over a month ago.  At Geeks suggestion, I signed up for an online dating site.  I didn't bother contacting anyone, just put my pictures and profile up and waited to see what happened.  About 2 weeks ago, Cowboy contacted me.  He knows the entire situation, is totally ok with it and best of all...he makes me happy.

Geek and I freely talk about the other people in our lives (out of earshot of the kids, of course)  He has told me that I'm happier than he has seen me in years and Cowboy seems to be a much better fit for me. 

We keep our other relationships away from the kids and the house.  We take phone calls in private if they call to talk.  Geek says I keep over thinking things with Cowboy.  I'm wondering if I should have been alone longer (or even forever)...I wonder if Cowboy is really the good guy he has shown to me (I go back and forth on this one)...Geek says I should just enjoy myself.

So that's the changes in my personal life.

I must be weak

Bubba and Diva are really becoming a handful.  Geek hasn't been much help and in fact seems to retreat into his computer games every chance he gets.  So I handle it, I handle it all and feel like shit when I ask him to help out...especially when he spends the time yelling at the kids.  I wonder if being a single mom would be better for all involved.

I don't think I ask much: take the trash out, do the laundry (I fold and the kids put away), clean the bathroom, mow the lawn, and supervise the kids cleaning at times.  Geek will help out more when I'm sick or hurt (I have a slipped disk in my back so throwing it out happens every now and then) but I still do 95% of the child care and cooking.  I cannot imagine how much of a mess things would be if I had an actual job!

Geek can be worse then the kids about leaving things around the house.  He has this bad habit of taking his clothing off and just leaving it where he got changed at.  Drives me nuts!  He is a grown man and I pick up after him more then I do the kids!  And I swear he does things in the worst way possible (like folding laundry or loading the dishwasher) just so I don't ask him to do it again.

The kids needs are wearing me out.  I feel more worn down everyday.  I'm on 24/7.  Even on the few days each month I can sleep in, it doesn't happen.  Someone needs their hair done or can't find something they were looking for (even though they would find it if they moved something!)...see what I mean?  Kids get sick?  Mommy!  Bubba needs nebulizer treatments every 4 hours?  Mommy!  What's Daddy doing?  Probably playing his dumb ass computer game.

I've spoken to him about it many times over our relationship, things change for a few months but then they are right back to where they were before.  I barely have the energy to give to my kids everyday, I defiantly don't have the energy to deal with Geeks computer game addiction.

I must be weak to stay with a big man-child.  I must be weak because my kids medical problems are crushing me...heck, my own medical problems are crushing me!

I just want a few days, totally alone, no husband/kids/cats to take care of.  I don't want to worry about anyone but me and recharge my batteries.  But that will never happen, so I just keep figuring out how to keep functioning.

Tomorrow is my birthday...

I'm really hoping no one wishes me a happy birthday or really recognizes it in any way.  It has nothing to do with turning 33, I'm proud to have made it another year!  I just don't want to celebrate it.

I hate being the center of attention, always have.  I'd rather just blend into the background...unless you want to talk about my awesome crochet and sewing work or my amazing kids :0)

Then there is the whole present giving aspect of it.  Geek and I decided (after Bubba was born) that we won't exchange gifts for anything...heck, we don't even celebrate our anniversary...because we both feel its just a waste of money.  As the kids have gotten older, we do take them shopping for something small from them for us for Christmas.  Last year they got their dad a small stuffed Stitch and baked him cookies; they got me a soup mug (which I use a lot.)  This year they got their dad slippers and pj pants and I got suger-free chocolates.

I keep telling everyone that I'm okay with this, but really I'm not.  I'm sick of putting myself last, but then I feel guilty and go to the end of the line again.  For example, I got $30 in a card for my birthday the other day.  Should I go buy myself something?  I should, but it's going to new uniform pants for Bubba, new knee socks for Diva, and the rest will get put on their lunch accounts.  If I spend it on myself I will feel bad every time I use/see whatever I would buy.

I got a gift card from my in-laws for Christmas to a clothing store I shop at twice a year, once in the fall for a new pair of jeans (but only if I need them) and once in the spring for a new pair of shorts (but only if I need them)...I still have $8 on it that I physically cannot spend.  There is really nothing I want.  The only reason I spent the rest was Geek made me.  I had a super hard time spending it...cause my jeans fit fine.

I would have much rather had a gift card for somewhere like Walmart...because we need new dishes and silverware.  I got a soft pretzel maker for Christmas...and I'm taking it back hoping to get new dishes with it.  It's not going to make it any easier to make them and I make them in the oven if we want them so I don't need something sitting around collecting dust.

Wow, I got a little off topic...I've been stuck in my house for 6 days, I'm a little loopy!

Diabetes Sucks

I was on insulin and a super-mega strict diet with both my pregnancies.  A few years after Diva was born, I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes.  It really wasn't that much of a surprise to me.  I have PCOS with insulin resistance and it runs very heavily in both my mothers and fathers side of my family.  My mother was adopted so we don't know exactly who developed it after she was given her medical information and she died of cancer in her mid-40s so we don't know if she would have developed it.

My father, his father, his sister, and his grandfather all have/had it.  Did I mention that when I was diagnosed the asshat doctor (not my normal doctor) told me I need to stop with all the cake and cookies.  Yeah, he actually said that.  My own doctor told me that I was basically destined to develop it and me being overweight has very little to do with it.  I agree with this, since the 4 people in my family who have developed it as thin, active people.

Yeah, it's not just a fat-person disease.  And I'm not using this next sentence as an excuse, because I've battled with my weight since I was 8...but the PCOS makes it VERY heard to lose weight.  Hell, when I was in the hospital for DKA before Thanksgiving, the Diabetes Educator asked me if I had PCOS because of where I carry my weight.

Anyway, I take two shots each day and test my sugar at least 4 times each day.  I can't have alcohol, pizza, rice, sushi (due to the rice), pasta, bread, non-sugar free chocolate, baked goods, candy, pretzels, chips, fries...basically all the good things.  Hell, sometimes the stuff I'm "allowed" to eat shoots my sugar up and I don't know why.

Breakfast?  Peanut butter on a graham cracker.

Lunch?  Salad (lettuce, a little cheese, chicken, dressing) and maybe more peanut butter on a graham cracker as a treat.

Afternoon snack?  Yup, more peanut butter and graham cracker.

Dinner?  Chicken/pork/beef, salad, veggie

Night-time snack?  You guessed it, peanut butter on a graham cracker

I drink milk, water, diet iced tea, hot tea with Splenda, and diet soda.  Sometimes, I treat myself with some sugar-free pudding or sugar-free jello.

I sometimes break down and have things I shouldn't...and feel really bad about it after.  

The holidays suck, going out to eat sucks, even just going to someone elses house to visit sucks.  Let's take these one at a time.

Holidays:
Tons of food I can't eat.  Meals at weird times.  Seriously, I need to eat at certain times so I can take my insulin...and I can't indulge because "it's the holidays!"  To me, it's just Tuesday.

Going out to Eat:
It's great that your menu has the calories listed on it, but it doesn't help me.  How many carbs?  How much protein?  How much fat?  This is what I need to know.  So if this stuff isn't listed, I'm left to play "guess the carb count" and I usually lose.  And don't give me that look if I ask for my burger without the bun.

Visiting:
Pretty much the same as holidays.

So there you have it, the reasons why I tend to be miserable.

Wow...just wow

I really have no words for the way some people on my side of the family treated me very early on Christmas Eve.  My kids don't sleep well, even at 7 and 6, so therefore I don't sleep well (Geek works 3rd shift if I forgot to mention that before.)  Remember, Bubba has high-functioning autism, mild Tourettes (which is getting worse), and ADHD; and Diva has mild cerebral palsy and is now being treated for anxiety.

Anyway, at around 3am on the morning of Christmas Eve, after my second night of less than 2 hours of sleep, I took to Facebook to complain about my kids not sleeping and how tired I was.  My father informed me that it was all part of being a parent and I should "quit bitching", my brother-in-law said the same thing, then one of my sisters posted a passive-agressive status stating I should just be happy for what I have.  My husband informed them that they have no clue what it's like to raise one special needs child, let alone two, who don't sleep well,

Here's the thing...I very rarely complain on Facebook.  And when I do it's mostly light-hearted, like complaining that my perscription insurance needs an easier to navigate web site.

Geek was pissed, to say the least.  He called my step-mother, told her what was going on and let her know that we wouldn't be making it to the family Christmas Eve party because he didn't know if he could keep from punch my father and brother-in-law.  Yup, that's how pissed he was (and still is.) 

I should mention that my step-mother took our side, blasted her husband (my dad), son-in-law, and daughter.

I actually un-friended my father, sisters, and brothers-in-law.  I feel GREAT!  They were some of the most negative and pessimistic people.

I'd love to know why it's ok to complain about their jobs, their pregnancies, their pets, other drivers, service at restruants/stores, how tired they are, etc but I get blasted.

Best part?  I don't have to see (read?) the dumbass political stuff they post.  I'm all for everyone being entitled to their own opinions and political views...when they are actually informed about it and don't get their news from internet memes :0)

This really sucks

In my last post, I mentioned that I was admitted to the hospital a few days ago...I'm still there but I think I'm going home today.  I spent a few hours in the ER, "waiting for a bed" but when I got to the place they admitted me to, there were more empty beds than full ones.

I had a private room but had to share a bathroom and didn't have a shower.  It was a trade off, I could live with it.  They transferred me up there at 2 am :0(

Then, last nigh, knowing I'm most likely leaving today, they moved me yet again.  This time to a regular floor...roommate, in room bathroom, etc...I even got a shower!  However, I got no sleep at all.

Why?  My roommate is getting treatments of some for or another almost hourly...my blood sugars are being checked every 4 hours...I have my vital signs taken at midnight (who the hell decided this was a good time to check vitals???)...my roommate is doing a bowel cleanse and can't walk to the bathroom so I get to listen, and smell, her all night...there is a confused man somewhere on the floor and he is very loud...the light in the hall is really bright...the bed is super uncomfortable as is the pillow...I miss my husband and my kids...basically, take your pick!

Hospitals suck so hard sometimes.

Who decided it was a good idea to stick two strangers in a room together, two who most likely have totally different needs.  If rest is so essential to recovery, why isn't there a higher priority placed on it?

I can understand something like needing to wake me to check my blood sugar, it's what put me in here, but is it really that important to take my blood pressure and temperature at midnight???

If I'm ever in the hospital again, I'm insisting on a private room (LOL, like that will happen, but I can hope, right?) and a sleeping pill.

I should not have to choose!!!

I like choice, I like being able to make my own decisions.  Should I wear the blue shirt or the grey one?  Should we have chicken or fish for dinner.  Should I run the vacuum before or after lunch.  I like choice.

I don't like when I have to choose between buying my kids medicine and my insulin.

That is exactly what landed me in the hospital the past few days.  Our prescription coverage changed at the start of this calendar year and I could no longer afford my insulin.  I was able to keep getting the pills I was taking so with that and a super strict diet I had been doing well...until this past Sunday.

I woke up with what I thought was the flu.  Sore throat, aches, fever, just feeling down right miserable.  Then I started vomiting.  And was still vomiting more than four hours later.  Geek finally talked me into going to the ER.  Good thing I did.

I was suffering from diabetic ketoacidosis.  Nasty little thing...and very serious.

I'm doing better now, in fact I'm typing this from my hospital room.  I should be going home tomorrow.

Why are medications that are necessary for people to LIVE so freaking expensive???  It's not like I'm taking this so I can get an erection (seriously, I could do a whole post on this sentence alone!)

"I just want to walk and walk and walk!!!"

Those are the words that came out of Diva's mouth this past weekend...on her second day of wearing her AFOs (leg braces). 

My baby girl, who usually hates talking because it makes her so tired and makes her legs hurt, wanted to walk and walk and walk!

It's enough to make a mom cry...with happiness, of course!

There is a down side, we had to buy her new sneakers (ugh, $50!) because she needs the widest ones available.  By the way, I HIGHLY recommend New Balance shoes and a visit to Stride-rite!  They were so helpful!  But sneakers are the only thing we have found to fit her.  Being a lover of shoes, this has been hard on her, but she understands.  At just shy of 6, this little girl understands that she can either wear whatever shoes she wants or she can have her legs not hurt.

AND!!!  She is getting her toe fixed on Friday.  She is excited because the toe hurts her.  I'm anxious, really anxious.  I'm not sure why, it's not like my kids have never had surgery before.

We are STILL at odds with Bubba's school, nothing really came of our meeting and Geek and I are currently in contact with an attorney.

AND, with all this craziness...wrestling season has started!!

Never a dull moment :0)

Here is the pattern Diva picked out

Here she in in her new AFOs

I Would Be So Bored With "Normal"

There is nothing normal or typical about my life.  Well, there are a few things.  I cook for my family...we laugh...we play games (the Minions LOVE bored games)...I spend one night a week putting their weekly pill containers together...we visit so many doctors that my kids know the drill by heart...

Wait, those last two aren't normal.

I spend Thursday nights, after the Minions are tucked into bed, filling their weekly pill containers.  Diva takes two pills each day...one is a fish oil and the other to help her sleep, in addition to mirilax.  Bubba takes 5.5 pills each day...two fish oils, 1.5 for ADHD, one for asthma, and the other for reflux.

Doctors visits...Diva sees a GI doctor, an orthopedic doctor and a psychiatrist on a regular basis, in addition to her family doctor.  Bubba sees a pulmonolgist (for asthma) and a psychiatrist, in addition to the family doctor.  Of course, they also see the dentist and eye doctor.

Did I mention before that they both get physical therapy (PT) and occupational therapy (OT) and Diva also gets speech therapy (ST)??

They have seen just about every specialty at the childrens hospital at some point in their life.

It makes me sad when we get complements like "it's great that they can swallow pills and that they don't give you a hard time taking them"..."you are so good letting me examine you"

Honestly, I wish I had to hold them down to get a shot or take meds.  I wish they haven't had to experience of anesthesia.  I wish I would have to sit there and watch them take medication, rather than just telling them "time for meds" and they know which slot to open.  I wish they didn't know to question if they have the correct pills if the color/size/shape changes.

I wish my kids didn't know what the inside of a childrens hospital looks like.  I wish I didn't have to give their teachers a full page background on them.  I wish Diva could have milk, didn't need medication to help her poop every day, and that she could sleep well.  I wish Bubba could make friends easily, knew a time when he didn't have daily pills to take, and didn't have to carry a nebi/inhaler everywhere.

I'd like to have just one week to enjoy my Minions without the consent worry.  But it's not going to happen, and I'm ok with that.  Taking Diva home after her surgery a few weeks ago, I said to Geek, "We would be so bored with our life if the kids were "normal""  He agreed.

A friend of the Geek said to him, "I don't know how you do it.  I'd be mad a the world."  Geeks response, "What good would it do?"

Mainstream schooling...*sigh*

Bubba has an IEP (Individual Education Plan) and is mainstreamed at school, with some modifications.  Basically, that means that he is in a regular education class with some extra in-class support and he gets extra time to take tests.

This keeps him with neurotypical students.  Neurotypical means kids who don't have "issues" with their brain, for example:  autism, seizures, etc

This is a good thing and a bad thing.

It's good because the other kids are usually good role models for how to act.  They help him practice proper social interactions.

It's a bad thing because kids with Aspergers usually can't tell when someone is a friend or a bully (we dealt with this in kindergarten adn 1st grade) or when someone is friendly-teasing.  And it can also leave the non-neurotypical kid feeling like an outcast.

We have been having trouble with Bubba's school over the last week-ish.  We get a feeling that he is being singled out due to his Asperger's, and that the teachers/aides are relying on the other kids side of the story and not even listening to Bubba's.  Kid's with Asperger's are honest to a fault.  They don't understand things like the "little white lie."

I threatened to pull him out of school to home-school him.  I don't want to because this child is going to be smarter than his college graduate mother before too long :0)

Our next option was to look into alternative or private schooling.  There is an autism program run in our county out of a school about half an hour away.  We are going to insist, at the least, that we be permitted to look into the program.

The school keeps insisting that he needs to be with neurotypical kids to "socialize" him.  He started publie school in Pre-K, he is now in 2nd grade.  His friends are the kids he wrestles with because they accept him for who he is.  He has no friends in his class and hasn't since he started school. 

"Socialization" is no longer a good enough reason to keep him in that school.  Especially when I get an e-mail from one of his teachers telling me that the other students "shouldn't have to tolerate" the things he does.  Well, I don't think he should have to tolerate being forced to sit still for hour at a time, or being picked on when the teachers/aides are out of ear-shot.

After he came home with wood chips all over his socks and him telling me that some kids TOOK HIS SHOES out on the playground, I asked him if he told an adult at the school.  He said he did but was told not to "tattle."  So when the kids pick on him, he doesn't say anything anymore.

How freaking sad is that?



We have an appointment on Monday, 10/21.  I'm sure I will have to get pissy a few times.

Don't mess with the cub if you can't handle Mama!

In a bit of a daze...

We got back from Bubba's behavioural health appointment a few hours ago.  Why is this blog-worthy?  Because his doctor not only agrees with us that there is something more than ADHD going on with him but has diagnosed with with Asperger's as well as Tourette's Syndrome.

Let's tackle the Tourette's first.  We stopped all ADHD meds on the last day of school back in June.  If the medication was causing his tics, they would have stopped after we stopped the medication.  He is not only still having them but they are worse and he is having more.  As of now, the plan is to treat the ADHD with medication and the tics with fish oil and hope that the combination helps control the tics.  There are medications to control the tics, but the side effects aren't worth starting him on them right away.  And we really don't want to put him on yet another medication.

While the Tourette's is a shock, I actually think I'm more shocked about the Asperger's diagnosis.

I'm really not sure why, seeing as how I have had the suspicion this is what was going on for a few months now.  I guess I was hoping the doctor would tell me I was reading too much into Bubba's quirks.

From what I understand, there is no cure or medication for the treatment of Aspergers, you just kinda manage the symptoms.

We walked into the doctors office with one diagnosis and left with three.

He is still my Bubba.  He is still the funny, loving kid who is obsessed with history...and reading...and playing video/board/card games...and cheeseburgers, he loves cheeseburgers :0)

I really hope this isn't rambling, I really don't have my thoughts organized, I just knew I had to get them on paper.

Well, Diva has her gait test tomorrow, her behavioral health appointment next week, and her endoscopy next Friday.  I'm sure there will be a lot to write in the coming days!