The Gray Area

I feel like I'm living my life in The Gray Area.

Geek and I are separating...but not really.

Bubba has Autism...but the support groups and other things (apps, books, etc) are for kids with the classic form, which he doesn't have.

Diva has cerebral palsy...but again, any support I can find is for kids with the severe form, her is mild ataxia.

Let's start with Geek and I.  If we didn't have the kids, this would be really easy..."bye!"...but not only do we have the kids (and for their sake we need to stay friendly...not that anything is ugly between us we just realize we aren't working as married parents) but we need to wait until the end of the school year to even tell them on the suggestion of their psychologist.  The last thing we want to do is cause any issues with them finishing out the school year.

Now, the support groups.  I want support from other parents, I want their advice, their tips, their friendship.  Our families really don't understand, some of them try to but until you live it day in and day out you really just don't get it.  For instance, Geeks aunt and mother don't understand why we "insist" on disciplining the kids immediately...I'm not sorry, you cannot take Bubba/Diva with you to do something fun and postpone his/her punishment!  The there is the snide, "Does she really need to sit in her wheelchair?"  Um, yes, if we don't pace her she will tire out and meltdown.  I'm sorry you are embarrassed by the wheelchair and her braces, but tough shit.  Yeah, I'm not sorry about getting rid of my in-laws at all.

I wrote this back in early May.  Over the next few days, I'll be posting  a lot.  I wrote to help me through my emotions, but I didn't want to post anything until I was in a better emotional place.  

BIG changes!!

So Geek and I are divorcing.  We are parting as friends, we both realize the marriage hasn't been working for some time.  As a child of divorce, I wasn't going to be the one to voice this.  We've been keeping it all from the kids.  They will be told once the school year is over. 

It's been hard, but I'm working through it.  There are days I want him to hurt as much as he;s hurt me and there are others that make me realize I'm happy this is happening.  Him working nights helps, the fact that he snores (so tends to sleep on the sofa) helps...the kids are used to this.

This happened over a month ago.  At Geeks suggestion, I signed up for an online dating site.  I didn't bother contacting anyone, just put my pictures and profile up and waited to see what happened.  About 2 weeks ago, Cowboy contacted me.  He knows the entire situation, is totally ok with it and best of all...he makes me happy.

Geek and I freely talk about the other people in our lives (out of earshot of the kids, of course)  He has told me that I'm happier than he has seen me in years and Cowboy seems to be a much better fit for me. 

We keep our other relationships away from the kids and the house.  We take phone calls in private if they call to talk.  Geek says I keep over thinking things with Cowboy.  I'm wondering if I should have been alone longer (or even forever)...I wonder if Cowboy is really the good guy he has shown to me (I go back and forth on this one)...Geek says I should just enjoy myself.

So that's the changes in my personal life.

It's been awhile, I know!

Geek has been out of work for about a month with a lung infection then a kidney stone...he just can't catch a break!  He finally went back to work last night.  Things are getting back to normal.

Just over a week ago, we were getting ready to go to the local aquarium.  I let Diva shower by herself for the first time.  Big mistake.  She slipped on the 3 inches of floor between the tub and the towel on the floor and smack her head on the side of the tub.  I was in there within seconds.  But then she started vomiting.  So we dropped Bubba at his grandparents and rushed Diva to the ER.

Thankfully, everything looks fine.  She was out of school all last week due to the headaches, she is not allowed to do gym class (or ride her bike, skates, scooter, anything that she could hit her head again) this week and has an appointment at the Concussion Clinic at our local children's hospital later this week.

Bubba is back on stimulants for his ADHD.  We aren't seeing any of the side effects that caused us to take him off them before (thank goodness!) and they are working so well for him.  However, we now have new things starting with him.  He is really getting physical by the time his meds wear off in the afternoon.  This evening alone he kicked Diva, pushed her, and hit her.

*sigh*

I'm working on some new items for my Etsy shop and wrestling is winding down.

Yeah, it's been busy!!

I'm trying to get back to my goal of twice per week posting but I'm also looking to get back into the workforce.  It's time.  I'm comfortable with how well the kids have been doing that I feel I can re-enter the working world.

So yeah, just another rambling "here's what we have been up to" post :0)

Yup, Another Crochet Post :0)

And another one by Moogly!

The Boys Cabled Golf Cap:

I didn't have to make any changed to the pattern...even though Bubba has a huge head :0)

And of course I made it in his favorite color, green.  He loves it, calls it his thinking cap.

Dirty face and in the middle of talking to me, but he is just so cute!

Crocheted Girls Sweater

I have found a designer that I LOVE!  You need to check out Mooglyblog.com, she is A-MAZE-ING!

I decided to take on the Eloise Girls Sweater, for Diva.  It took a very long time, mostly because I had to learn 2 new stitches (she has video instructions and written instructions!!!) and make a few adjustments for Diva's shape.

Changes I made:

-I added a few extra color rows

-I only did the linked double crochet on the rows that changed to the other color.  It really helped with the weight of the "skirt"

-I added a few extra rows (I think 2) before I started the row that starts the sleeves.

-I also centered the opening.

Diva LOVES it, wears it to school almost every day.  I found some ladybug buttons that I'm going to add at the waist and I stitched the "flaps" down since she didn't like how they rubbed her neck.

Inside of the "skirt"

Here is the sleeve opening...the way she does the yoke/sleeve opening is super easy!

Diva showing off her sweater

Close up of the sleeve

Seriously, go check her out!

What A Week!

Holy Cannoli has it been a busy (few) week(s)!!!

Wrestling is winding down, just one more thing...but it's a BIG thing:  district qualifier!  I don't know if Bubba will be wrestling next year.  Between his asthma and his Autism he has been a mess the past few weeks.  They changed where they practice and the new place is so full of dust, which he is allergic to, that he ends up with an asthma attack half way through practice.  And he is having a hard time understanding that he needs to practice to get better.  Honestly, he hasn't improved much since his first year...this is his third year.  I feel bad, but sometimes you just have to be honest and realize that his life won't be 100% normal.

Geek has been down this week with a lung infection and I've had what I think is the flu this week...wanna guess who is feeling better and who is milking it for all it's worth?  LOL  It's a wonder the world can function :0) 

And the snow...UGH!  I'm so ready for spring.  We had yet another snow storm yesterday, about 8 inches fell in my area. 

Enough complaining about the snow and being sick.  I need to keep positive.  Geek is getting better, I'm 95% over my flu, Bubba is over whatever kicked up his asthma, and Diva (knock on wood!) hasn't caught anything!

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

Please stop...

Diva wears AFO's (lower leg braces) to help with her cerebral palsy.  She LOVES them.  Geek and I say she views them as just another accessory.  She is not bothered in the slightest by them, she got them with her favorite colors (pink and purple) and one of her favorite things is on them (ladybugs.)  We know they are helping her.

Anyway, she has a little tummy and doesn't like anything tight so jeans are out of the question.  She usually wears "yoga" like pants (leggings?)  and they usually aren't baggy enough to go over her AFO's, so they are usually seen.  For school, since they wear uniforms, she has skirts or jumpers she wears (again, no khaki pants...until I get a chance to make her some with elastic in the waist) so it's leggings or stocking or knee highs...her AFO's show.

Many people in the family have thought she was wearing cute ladybug knee socks when they have seen them peeking out from under a longer skirt or pants. 

Basically, her friends, classmates, the family, anyone she is around a lot are totally used to them...as they should be.

Kids are curious, they see something they haven't seen before and they wonder what it is.  There have been a few who were brave enough to ask either me or Diva about the braces.  We say that they help her walk, the child usually tells her they are cute or just an "ok" and it's on the the next thing.

But...

Then there are the adults.  They stare and that makes me uncomfortable.  Diva doesn't notice, or if she does she just doesn't care.  Have I mentioned that this child has an extremely high self-esteem and knows that she is smart, beautiful, and loved?

And with Bubba, it's worse! There is no way to tell by looking at him that he has autism, ADHD, or Tourett's.  He tics, he stims, he has melt downs, he has impulse control problems.  Again, kids don't really care but the adults...they can be so rude.

He doesn't need more discipline, honestly, he is probably upset because we had to make an unexpected stop and he didn't have enough time to mentally prepare himself.  We don't need to yell or raise our voices with him, it will make him shut down totally; talking quietly to him is most effective.  Yes, he is dancing in the frozen food section, but he isn't hurting anyone and he isn't in any ones way so stop throwing me dirty looks, he's just stimming.

Here is what I would want you to do, I can't speak for everyone, but maybe it will give you some in site:

-Don't stare!  It makes me uncomfortable.  If you want to know what Diva's braces are for, ASK!  I'll be glad to answer most of your questions.  And really, your kids aren't bothering us by asking questions, they are just being kids.

-If Diva is in her wheelchair, respect it.  Offer to let me push her chair up front so she can see what's going on.  Don't expect me to push her into the grass so you can take up the entire sidewalk.  Don't give me dirty looks when I say "excuse me" so I can get through.  

-Don't click your tongue, roll your eyes, loudly sigh, make snide remarks, etc about our parenting.  There is such a thing as in invisible disease...like the 3 Bubba has!  Heck, you wouldn't know about Diva's if she wasn't wearing her AFO's.

-If either kid is having a meltdown, either offer to help ("Can I give you a hand?" is the best thing to say) or go away.

-Remember, Geek and I are under a lot of stress and trying to make our kids lives as "normal" as possible.  If I look like death warmed over, don't tell me how tired I look...trust me, I know!  Just smile and say "hello" and don't get upset if I don't want to stay and chat, especially if I don't have the kids with me.  It may be the only "me time" I get that week :0)